Sunday, April 17, 2011

Calm again

Life seems to be calm again. Last week was a difficult week since it was the week that everyone began finding out about my resignation. The comments that people have made have all been positive which is letting me know that this decision has been the right one. Even though I was not the instigator of the decision I know that it is the right one for this moment in time. It is something I've wanted to do for a while now but didn't have the guts to try it.
I have labeled my calendar to show how many days are left - 33 days.  Staying motivated every day is going to be difficult. I have had a daily schedule for so long that I don't really know how to function without one. I think I need to rely on the Flylady again. I may need to have a written schedule so that I can become more organized in my tasks as a wife & mother.
Today, I teach the Children's Theater and then we have the annual egg hunt and potluck lunch at the park. Yet once again I have forgotten to prepare anything! I will check out the pantry and hope to find SOMETHING! We will stop by the grocery store and buy a 2 liter root beer. Luckily, the Easter bunny had already purchased candy for Bobby's basket and we were able to use that candy and left over eggs so that is done. Bobby fixed those last night. He said he felt like the Easter bunny!
This week Bobby was taking achievement tests along with the other lower grades. After the first day, I asked him about his tests. He said the test was really hard. I questioned him about what was so hard and he replied "Staying in those little bubbles! It's hard trying to keep my pencil inside those little bubbles. I tried to color outside of it and then erase but that just wasn't good enough." When I questioned him about the questions he said those were easy. That evening after reading, he fell asleep for 2 hours and only woke up long enough to get ready for bed. Those bubbles are really tiring!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Difficult decision made!

Friday afternoon was a terrible day professionally speaking. I was informed that I would not be rehired for the 2011-2012 school year. I had been given two choices:
  1. Turn in a resignation letter
  2. Allow a non-renewal to appear on my record.
Now what do I do? I have been told that I'm not good enough to be rehired. I intended to retire from Saint Jo and one person was able to change the course of my history. I was DEVASTATED to say the least! All weekend I had to pretend everything was okay when I felt like my whole world was coming to an end. I placed a call to ATPE, told my parents, Michael, & Munen.

Michael, Bobby, & I drove to College Station for Jeffrey's wedding, which was beautiful! I did my best to hide my emotions from the other family members so that it wouldn't ruin everyone else's weekend. Success!

So now it is Sunday. My dad said to call him when we got home from the wedding and we could talk. He had lots of good questions and made me think about my options. While I was on the phone with him, the ATPE lawyer called the house. She also had wonderful questions for me!  And most especially - wonderful answers to my questions:

The final answer is that there are no options for me but to resign. However, to help me with future jobs the lawyer has some recommendations for me.
  1. Email the principal in the morning confirming her intent to not rehire me. This will create a kind of paper trail that I can use to hopefully claim unemployment.
  2. I will also request a meeting with her to discuss updating my PDAS to reflect my efforts to change.
  3. I will turn in a resignation letter tomorrow.
I have begun to reflect on my studies of Esther from the Bible. An important verse at this time is

Esther 4:14b "And who knows but that you have come to your royal position for such a time as this?”

I have come to realize that God is speaking to me and I haven't been listening. He is showing me a different way to go but I have to find that way still. We all know that God shows you the way in His time not yours. So I will pray and continue to study His word. I will find the right may take some time but that's what I have, right?

To all of those who have supported me through these years and this momentous decision, I would like to say Thank you! I wish I could reach out through this computer and hug your neck! I pray that you too will listen to God's word and that He will show you the way!

Love, Kirsten

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Long weekend

It has been a very long weekend emotionally for me. I'm struggling at work with learning recently that the people I work with are not my friends after all. In church this morning, Curt spoke about the crazy people in your life than can cause you to make wrong decisions in you life. This applied to me so much that it was difficult to concentrate carefully but I did take notes that I will use to look over and remind myself as the weeks of this school year drag on. Unfortunately, the people at work are actually the "For Yous." These are the people in your life that you think are your friends but then you do something they don't like, they turn against you. This is how I feel right now. People that I thought I could trust to tell my secrets to have turned their backs on me. It appears they have turned around and went straight to the principal. I have been questioning myself all weekend about how to handle this.
  1. Confront (which I know in my heart will only make it worse even though the temporary relief would feel so good!)
  2. Ignore - I know this is the right way to go but I feel so beaten up and bruised that I "allowed" this to happen. In reality I know that I didn't cause it to happen. I didn't ask to be treated so poorly. I didn't ask to be betrayed. I'm being tested.
As Curt said this morning, the closer I come to Jesus, the more I will be tested and I have to remain strong. Look to the Bible to find out what my decision should be.
So the question is "who is my Daniel?" Who is the person I can trust to keep me from making bad decisions? Who is the person that keeps me from making CRAZY decisions? I know God is there for me and I need to listen and talk to him. I haven't been doing that enough. I trust that Michael is also my Daniel. I know he has my best interest at heart. I believe and trust in him, too.

Where's Your Daniel?

Now, back to Esther. She has been a busy woman. She has fasted and not your typical fast. She went without food and water for 3 days & nights. Usually, fasting didn't involve going without water and certainly not during the nights also! This was very dangerous for anyone, especially during the Bible times. She asked Moredecai to go out and ask the Jews to join her in this fast and then she would go before Xerxes without being summoned. So 3 days later she has dressed in her robes and gone to Xerxes. He has extended his scepter to her. She has touched the tip...
We have stopped there for a day to ponder on the picture that has been painted. This beautiful woman, who had spent THREE days without food and water, probably appeared to be tired & drawn. Her eyes were probably sunken in and had black circles. She was probably very weak and tired. But she knew that if she did nothing that not only would she die but so would her family and all the other Jews in Persia. So, a nervous young woman has dressed up in her finest and has walked countless feet to stand in front of the man that can change her life - for good or bad. And what happens, he is so taken by her beauty, "pleased with her," that he extends his scepter. AMEN! What relief she must have felt knowing that he won't kill her for coming to his presence without being summoned. But that hasn't taken away all of her stress. What will he say? What will he do? I can't wait to find out!

Tomorrow I will do my best to follow God's word and not allow other people's 'fickle friendship' affect my attitude!